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completed: 03/30/2007
__ 1. When Sanzo thought about it -- which he often didn't, because thinking about it meant it was real, because the thinking invited a slow burn low his stomach that he swore the stupid monkey could sense from the other side of the temple -- he decided that the worse part was Goku's teeth. He was used to pain; bore it like a thorny mantle around his shoulders for years and years. But sharp little nips from a perpetually hungry mouth were a different, unfamiliar pain. A needy ache that burrowed beneath his skin and rose to the surface with every brush of his collar; every shift of his jeans. 2. Gojyo likes to fuck Hakkai on black sheets. Sometimes he thinks it’s the contrast of his pale skin against the black; the dark outline bringing stark attention to every long, lean line of his body; every swell and dip that Gojyo likes to wrap himself around and lay claim to. Other times he thinks it's because Hakkai likes it. Likes to push him on his back and ride him hard; hands fisted in the blood spill of his hair against silky shadow. 3. The first time is the most amazing, most wonderful, most wretched experience of Goku's life. He does absolutely everything wrong. He bites too hard and Sanzo hits him; he kisses too hard and their teeth clash together uncomfortably; he enters a little too quickly and -- it's tight, hot, perfect, he's going to exploded into pieces and it'll be the best thing ever -- and he thinks Sanzo might kill him. He finishes only a few thrusts later and he knows Sanzo is going to kill him. 4. Sometimes, Goku dreams of emptiness; of dark cool shadows that blended day into night and stretched on forever. Most times, he dreams of food; the doughy sweetness of meat buns and the juicy sugar rush of a newly ripened peach. Increasingly, he dreams of skin, milk-cream pale and softest in the secret areas of the body usually kept hidden; of hair, brilliant gold and tangled around his fingers; of taste, the burn of salt against his tongue, in his mouth. Always, he wakes up hungry and isn't entirely sure why. 5. Every now and again, Hakkai catches himself counting. Counting the boxes of cigarettes that remain from the last stock up; counting the food in their storage bins; counting the miles as they pass by; counting the minutes since the last word, last look. He'll count the knobs of Gojyo's spine and the dots in the ceiling as a distraction, and later, he’ll count the bite marks that go up his thigh, the finger shaped bruises on his hips. When he begins to count days he stops himself and winds his mind back to zero; to "today" and "tomorrow" and nothing before or after that. But when there is a fight, an injury, a word, a doubt – in the back of his mind, the numbers start turning again. One day, two more days, three more... //.endfile
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